The Verified Cat


Miss Blimey had moored the Raven at a dock in the insomniatic little quay of Bukenboarg, somewhere off the coast of Nowhere. She had decided that Betty hates Veronica was beginning to lose the edge that she had once had and was taking her in for a grinding. Betty hates Veronica didn’t mind as it gave her a chance to see far off places she had never heard of. They walked into the nearest Taverna, a sleepy little bar called the Fervour and Feather. A strange name for what turned out to be a fairly plain room filled with nothing more than a few tables interspersed with an exponential number of chairs. Sun fairies played in the dusty light streaming through the windows, but that was about the only decoration in the place.

The bar itself was strangely free of customers. True, it was that weird time of day between lunch and dinner, when all the possible appropriate lunch time drinks that can be drunk have been consumed, and it’s not quite yet the right time to start on some serious evening drinking, but there should have been at least one rummy nursing his drink at the bar. 

Ignoring this for now, Miss Blimey stepped up to the bar and smiling deftly at the barman, ordered a Wild Turkey for Betty hates Veronica and herself.

‘What’s that?’ asked the Barman.

‘What?’ countered Miss Blimey, indignantly.

‘Sorry,’ said the barman, “I’m hard to hear this and I need you to repeat that order?’

‘Oh, right,’ smiled Miss Blimey, only slightly relieved ‘two Wild Turkeys, thanks’.  

Miss Blimey never forgot her manners, though she sometimes threw them away if not needed.

The bar man returned shortly, and predictably with two wild turkeys, still alive and gabbling like crazy. Miss Blimey was not impressed and turned to leave, but before she could get very far the curse words exploded inside her head, left her ear and accidentally decapitated the barman.

‘Damn it! Why does that keep happening?’ demanded Miss Blimey in exasperation.

‘What is going on inside that head of yours? Your brain should be classed as a dangerous weapon,’ agreed Betty hates Veronica.

‘Well, shiver me timbers I didn’t mean to kill the man. 

‘Serves him right ... haha … get it? Serves,’ laughed Betty hates Veronica, giggling at her own bad joke.

‘Yes, very funny … but that’s enough of that,’ replied Miss Blimey ‘let’s get out of here before they verify this cat and come after us both!’

With a small jump, for dramatic effect, Miss Blimey and Betty hates Veronica turned back towards the door and got the hell out of the Taverna. Within two shakes of a pirates cutlass they were back aboard the Raven and setting sail out of the harbour.

The End