Is Rawkous Nice or Nasty?


Miss Blimey was feeling maudlin, but didn’t know why. She just had this awful feeling like something was missing in her life, and it had nothing to do with Captain Blade or Vincent Blackshadow. They had recently visited The Reverend Farquar, Padre of the Leper Seas at his home on the Leper isle, but those visits were always jolly affairs and not likely to cause this kind of empty feeling. Betty hates Veronica was worried about Miss Blimey, but could think of no course of action to jolt her out of this state of depression, and a depressed pirate is no fun at all! Miss Blimey stepped away from the helm and sat down hard on the planks of the deck. Betty hates Veronica looked down on her friend and made a decision. She would find them some fun, and snap Miss Blimey out of her dark revelry. She went to the horizon scanner mounted near the helm and started looking for any other ships in the vicinity. Maybe a good old-fashioned skirmish was what they needed. True they never went looking for trouble often but must needs as the pirate sails they say. It didn’t take long for Betty H.V to spot a promising ship, it was about 5 miles from their current position but swift sailing would bring them to this possible foe in no time at all. Betty H.V set course and they were off. Miss Blimey didn’t even question their change in direction. 

A short while later they came upon the object of their search, which turned out to be a Junk ship. These were a rare sight on the high seas these days, but legend told of them being wonderful vessels carrying all sorts of oddities and treasures which could be bought at a reasonable price. Betty hates Veronica jumped up and down clapping her hands in an extraordinary display of excitement.

‘Look, a Junk! Have you ever seen one before? I’ve always wanted to shop on one, I hear they have heaps of weird stuff on them!’ she said like a hyperactive child.

‘Really? A Junk?’ asked Miss Blimey getting to her feet and squinting into the sun.

‘Ahoy!’ yelled the captain of the Junk, ‘come aboard and view the strange wares I have collected from all over the world, Ya har!’

Miss Blimey raised an eyebrow and looked at her friend.

‘What a fruit loop,’ she whispered, before jumping across to the Junk ship. Once they were both on board they began looking over the piles of claptrap and riches, strangeness and beauty. They had never seen so much stuff in one place before, and although it was a wondrous Miss Blimey knew that her unhappiness was still there, nagging at the back of her mind like a restless squirrel. The captain of the Junk came over and stood next to Miss Blimey as she sifted through a pile of old cutlasses.

‘Ye seem to be missing something,’ he stated.

‘That’s what it feels like,’ smiled Miss Blimey ruefully.

‘Well perhaps what ye need is a parrot, they’re good companions, and not bad for conversation once they be learnin’ a few words, I have several over there if ye be interested?’ suggested the Junk captain.

‘A parrot? Never thought about it really,’ mused Miss Blimey, ‘I always thought they were a bit clichéd for pirates.’

‘Yes, that may be so lassy, but then why do you think so many pirates have parrots? It’s not as though ye have a uniform,’ justified the Junk captain.

‘That be true, I never thought of it that way. Indeed, I will take a look at your parrots,’ replied Miss Blimey, feeling more cheerful already, but after checking out the birds she did not find one to her liking and was again disappointed. She sat down next to the parrot cages and as she did so a plume of red feathers caught her eye. There under an eve lay a sad looking little parrot. It did not move and appeared quite dead indeed. Miss Blimey reached under the eave and pulled out the parrot. It was quite inanimate and there appeared to be a small key sticking out of its chest. Miss Blimey smiled, intrigued by this odd clockwork parrot. Would it work if she wound the key? Only one way to find out. Miss Blimey grasped the key and was just about to wind it round when the Junk captain came bolting over.

‘Nooooooo!’ he yelled dramatically, ‘ye can’t, don’t wind that key, you don’t know what ye be lettin’ yourself in for!’

‘Why? It’s just a wind up bird?’ queried Miss Blimey

‘No, no it’s not,’ said the shaken captain, ‘you’ll be sorry if you wake that thing up!’

‘That sounds like a dare,’ laughed Miss Blimey, ‘all right, I’ll buy it then, how much?’

‘So ye ignore my warning girly? Fine be it on your head, take the damn thing, I want no coin for it, you’ll soon see what I mean.’

‘Stop being so dramatic,’ said Miss Blimey and turned to Betty H.V, ‘come on, we’re going.’

The Junk captain watched the two girls climb back aboard their ship and smiled as they sailed away. Sometimes, he thought to himself, the only way to get people to want what they need is to tell them they can’t have it.

Back on board the Raven Miss Blimey stared at her new toy. The Junk captain’s words had startled her, but her curiosity was always going to be the man in charge. She picked up the feathery thing and slowly wound the key. Miss Blimey waited for something to happen, Betty hates veronica waited for something to happen. Slowly the parrot began to stir. Stiffly at first, and then as its gears warmed up the bird snapped to life.

‘%#*^%#@*!’ it screeched.

’What the hell did that thing just say?’ asked Betty H.V alarmed, ‘it sounded like the worst cursing I’ve heard in a long while.’

‘I love it already,’ giggled Miss Blimey, ‘a filthy mouthed parrot, just what I’ve always wanted.’

‘I don’t know if I want that thing F-ing and jeffing all over the ship,’ said Betty H.V slowly, ‘how long does that winding mechanism last do you think?’

‘It’ll be great, don’t worry, as for how long before we have to wind the bird again, we’ll just have to wait and see,’ replied Miss Blimey and then turned sharply to look at her new pet as it spoke.

‘I only need winding once every month, and I only curse when you wind me to tight,’ said the parrot eloquently

‘Haha! Fantastic, what’s your name?’ asked Miss Blimey, delighted.

‘You may call me Rawkous,’ replied Rawkous.

‘Why are you called Rawkous?’ asked Betty hates Veronica.

‘How the hell should I know? Qwaurk,’ snapped Rawkous.

‘Please don’t speak to her that way Rawkous, I shouldn’t want to throw you overboard when you’ve just arrived,’ scolded Miss Blimey.

‘Sorry, still a little wound up, swoo whoo,’ apologised Rawkous, ‘and at any rate I can fly you know,’ and with that Rawkous flew up to the crow’s nest, perching on the platform quite proudly.

‘This is the best day ever, thanks Betty H.V, a talking, cursing, flying wind up parrot is just what I needed,’ said Miss Blimey hugging her friend and laughing heartily as Rawkous flew back down and came to rest on her shoulder.

The End


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